Getting it back.

I haven’t been in the best place over the past few months. The decline was so slow that I didn’t even notice it until a couple of weeks ago when I almost couldn’t get out of bed to go to work. That was when I began to look around at what had been happening and realized that I needed to start actively trying to get out of it. These moods don’t just vanish and everything is okay. I always have to fight my way out of them.

It started so innocently. The things that I began to neglect were things that average, non-depressed people do regularly, but are really out of character for me. I stopped shaving my legs twice a week, which is a totally normal thing to do. Who shaves twice a week? I do. I stopped doing my at home pedicure routine. I stopped cleaning up after myself. My kitchen counter began to accumulate pantry items that should just be put away but instead I left out.

Then I stopped vacuuming. Stopped cleaning. Stopped brushing my dog. Stopped going to the gym. Stopped doing laundry.

I finally started to realize it when I was getting ready for work on a Monday and I had nothing to wear. Everything was dirty. I always do laundry on the weekends, and that hadn’t happened for a couple of weeks. Then while I was doing my makeup I noticed that my skin wasn’t looking too great, which was because I had stopped my nightly skin-care regimen. I was just wiping my makeup off with a wipe, and that’s nowhere near enough care for my skin.

I wasn’t taking my vitamins, I was making easy food for dinner that had no nutritional value whatsoever, and I was feeling like total crap.

I’m finally starting to get it back. I went to start deep cleaning my house this morning and (of course) I was basically out of all of my cleaning supplies. I vaguely remember trying to clean one weekend and using that as an excuse to not do it. I just made a massive Target run and I am now fully equipped to make this place spotless again.

Take care of yourself. It makes such a difference. I’m still not fully mentally okay but having a clean place and clean clothes, and eating good food helps. I’m hoping to get back in the gym tomorrow for the first time in over a month, and while I’m dreading how sore I’m going to be, I know it will be worth it in the long run.

I’m now going to spend the rest of my Sunday afternoon blasting Pray for the Wicked and cleaning this place from top to bottom.