A Quiet Place: feat. my inner dialogue while sitting next to the loudest girl in America.

I don’t go see movies in theaters very often. Occasionally something will come out that I just won’t want to wait until digital release for, so I’ll consult with others who I’m fairly sure have seen it and then decide if I actually want to go.

It’s not that I don’t like the experience of a movie theater. Big comfy chairs, surround sound, and a giant screen are all things that I thoroughly enjoy when watching a movie for the first time. It’s that I hate the other people in the room nine times out of ten.

For example, I went and saw Black Panther, it was magnificent. But the man in the seat next to me fell asleep and started snoring. He started snoring so loud that he woke himself up. Then he proceeded to constantly raise and lower his recliner chair, despite the fact that it squeaked loudly while moving.

It wasn’t the worst experience I’ve ever had, but it was annoying.

Last night, on the other hand, well…

I went to go see A Quiet Place, by myself. I love a good thriller movie and just felt like getting out of my house for a bit. I got there, found my seat, and reclined enough that my feet were up but I wasn’t horizontal. Then the waiting game of who I would be sitting next to began.

The woman who sat on my left, in the seat that was grouped with mine, showed up with no food or drink. Huzzah, I’m probably not going to hate you.

I normally dgaf if you have snacks during a movie but snacking during a movie that is mostly silence is a dick move.

We proceeded to ignore each other. Another point for this lady. She’s cool.

Then two girls came giggling down the aisle.

Oh god, please no.

They started walking down my row, and plopped down on my right, talking loudly as they unloaded what can only be described as $50 worth of movie theatre snacks from their purses.

Fucking hell.

I try to stay positive, surely they’ll know that they need to be quiet during a film that is literally titled A QUIET PLACE.

I don’t really notice them much during the previews, other than their comments about, “Why are they still making Mission Impossible movies?” which I can’t be mad about because I was thinking the same thing. Tom Cruise is broke and needs money, I guess?

But then the feature starts, and I become hyperaware of how much I loathe listening to people eat. Just when I think she’s done, she whips out another fucking package of sugar.

We’re maybe halfway through the movie when she finally finishes eating.

Halle-fucking-lujah.

Just when I think I can go back to not wanting to punch anybody, she starts talking to her friend.

“OH my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. That thing is so SCARY”

I definitely gave her the human equivalent of this Unamused_Face_Emoji a few times, but she didn’t seem to get the message.

She was the type to be like, “Oh my god, there it is! It’s right there!! Be quiet! It’s RIGHT THERE! Don’t move! Don’t die!” every. time. the. creature. was. shown.

Ron

I really don’t understand why people can’t just be quiet? I’ve talked in theaters, but only when there’s like nobody else there. Which is actually really fun! I remember in high school I went and saw The Strangers and we were the only people there and we just made fun of it the whole time. Thats fine! Nobody was there for my friend and I to bother! I would NEVER do that in a full movie theater.

A full movie theater for a movie where the silence is part of what makes it so fucking good.

Anyway,

go see A Quiet Place. It’s really, really good. I jumped a couple of times and definitely cried a little (no shame!). I recommend eating before so you don’t feel the need to get snacks and don’t piss off the people you’re sitting near. I will send you good movie vibes that you don’t wind up sitting next to garbage people who ruin the experience.

 

TL;DR? Best summary of the movie:

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Truuuuue.